Is sex a communal issue?
“Let’s party and find out.”—Sarah’s Facebook status, posted immediately after I decided on the title question above. Hilarious.
First, we should probably try and agree on something.
Sex is personal. In fact, it is among the most personal aspects of what it means to be a human being. It is a blessed gift to be enjoyed between two people who have entered into the covenantal relationship of marriage, and as such it should be protected at all costs.
And now to the other stuff. (This is inspired largely by chapter 3 of Lauren Winner’s Real Sex.)
Within the church context, we probably are willing to pursue accountability between believers on matters of sexual sin, especially outside of marriage. I can’t tell you how many times one friend or another has asked whether I’ve recently been using pornography. (For anyone who doubts the damage of porn, I recommend this.) For followers of Jesus, it is undeniably good to keep one another accountable in such an area.
Let’s take it a step further. Would you be willing to ask a friend whether he’s sleeping with his girlfriend? Is that overstepping a boundary? What if their relationship turns out to be completely chaste? Would asking that question constitute a breaking of trust?
Finally, what about within marriage? Does Joey have any right to ask whether Bobby is cheating on Jane? Whether Bobby and his wife have a healthy relationship, including sexually?
These are tough questions. And like most questions, I can’t answer them.
A Heavy Word 